i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
