I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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