but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Randomize
