Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I need moral support for this bender
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
