so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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