Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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