so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
