There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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