The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Too much gin, very little bucket
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
