Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
