i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
