u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
