You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
