Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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