So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
