True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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