I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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