Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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