So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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