As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
