thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize