I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
