allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
