Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
