Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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