Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
