We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am available for nakedness
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
