Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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