i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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