I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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