I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize