if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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