Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
