Too much gin, very little bucket
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
