I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
handjob tips. give me some.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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