how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
