This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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