i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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