Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
