That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize