Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize