My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
