Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
