Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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