yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
