girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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