I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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