Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
