Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
