i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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