right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
