Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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