Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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