I must be too annoying 4 u.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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