Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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