I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
