its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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