do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
