i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
