So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
