i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
