Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
