if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
