you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
