That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
