foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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